I have enjoyed my return to New Plymouth, Taranaki and im looking forward to the future. But my start recently was “rocked” by the reminder that not all the people in nz are open minded and respectful as I became accustomed to being in a bigger place, and I feel it is something I need to get off my chest.
Recently i encountered a man (Mr P), who probably if you asked him would call himself a good man, but was wilfully unaware of how uncomfortable he made people around him. Seemed almost proud of his irresponsibility in positions of trust, and shameless in admitting he had no willingness to learn, or change.
He’s in his fifties which I guess explains some of his misogynistic and old fashioned world views. (but not really, I have met many people the same age or older who manage not to be bigoted, so I don’t really believe in that as a valid excuse). This is troubling because he works training young dads how to be “great fathers”. As someone who saw him again and again be shamelessly irresponsible, selfish and a little bit judgemental of anyone who did not have the same lifestyle as him, I cant help but feel that is not a good fit. I do wonder what the young families who deal with him must think. I can only assume he got the job using the main skill I saw him have, which was being overconfident in his own abilities and a verbal manipulator.
The most troubling thing was that he had really old fashioned views on what men and women should be. He said some really offensive stuff about gender, e.g. “God put gender on this earth for people to procreate”. How does he deal with a generation that views gender-roles and sexuality as more fluid?
When he interacted with me I found his behaviour disrespectful and patronising. Which was inappropriate because even though I am younger than him, in the situation we were interacting, I was the expert. I was offering my expertise, and not only was I not listened to, but I found out later that he was infuriated about being told what to do. I can only assume his prejudice against me as a young woman, who also didnt look or act the way he thought a young woman should, and his arrogance not acknowledging I was trying to help him in an area he was not performing well in, were the reasons he was completely unperceptive to advice, and treated me with disrespect.
What is worst is that not only did he do badly because he would not listen, no matter how gently I tried to guide him. He also slacked off. He did not contribute as much as he was meant to, and he took a lions share. He was unapologetic about leaving me to deal with everything by myself, and even had the GAUL to ask me to do more when he returned. (even though I was actually the person in charge and had been covering from him while he skived).
I admit I lost patience a bit. instead of gently trying to guide him to do better, i became more direct about it. I didn’t personally attack him, but I figured if he was just ignoring when I handled him with kitten gloves he needed me to be direct.
Instead of listening he began sulking. He shirked off more off his responsibilities.
and later I learned just started spreading malicious things about me.
All because he was too arrogant and too misogynistic to actually listen to woman who was more experienced than he was.
It was an awful start to my return to NZ. His unwillingness to take responsibility for his own actions, or self awareness about his own performance meant he is probably going through life thinking he is this good guy, when every person I’ve talked to whose also knows him (including those who he badmouthed me too) finds him a selfish, irritating, incompetent presence.
he just seems completely the wrong fit to support young families. I cant imagine someone who I experienced as so self-absorbed, and unsympathetic (especially to the welfare of animals which he seemed to be completely cold to, even boasting about how a cat screamed when he caught it in a door, by saying how he was surprised it wasn’t more damaged, but with no concern for the pain he obviously caused it.) is the right fit for that kind of work.
Maybe he shows a different side to himself at work, maybe he utilises that skill I mentioned of being completely full of hot air and manipulative. The truth is I don’t know, I wish I could find out.